Chinese Farmer Story
One reader wrote and asked me what the Chinese farmer story is that I referred to in my last article (“What Is Love?”). It’s a famous old story, and you can find many versions by Googling it. I don’t know where it first originated, but here’s the basic idea:
Once upon a time there was an old Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. All his neighbors came around and said, “What bad fortune.” The old farmer said, “Well..maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing a bunch of wild horses with it, and the neighbors said, “What good fortune!” And the old farmer again said, “Well..maybe.” The following day, the farmer’s only son, who was essential to running the farm, tried to break in one of the wild horses, and while riding it, he was thrown from the horse and broke his leg. The neighbors all said, “What bad fortune.” And again the old farmer responded, “Well..maybe.” The next day the army came through conscripting all the young men to fight in a hopeless war from which no one was returning alive, but they didn’t take the farmer’s son because he had a broken leg. Again, all the neighbors said, “Wow! What great good fortune!” And again, the old farmer said, “Well..maybe.” And on it goes, on and on.
Am I Whitewashing Suffering?
Another person wrote to me after my last article and was questioning “the apparent need to frame the experience of life in some lofty terms on which whole religious traditions are built—in this case, Love. It seems we can't just accept things as they are, or appear to be, without trying to make them part of some grand or beautiful scheme. Why put a positive spin on torture, for example?”
Great question. I certainly share this concern, and would never want to be “putting a positive spin on torture.” I addressed this whole issue in another recent Substack article as well:
When I hear about torture, or such things as school shootings, rapes, genocides, factory farms or environmental devastation, I don’t think to myself, “Ahh, how beautiful…this is love in action.” I feel sorrow and grief and sometimes even anger or despair. I see such things as manifestations of delusion, insensitivity, psychiatric or neurological problems, brain damage, trauma, societal failures, and/or unresolved and unbearable pain, leading to not seeing clearly and thus “missing the mark.” I certainly don’t want to whitewash the pain in all this (of both victims and perpetrators) or pretend that life doesn’t include tremendous pain and painful circumstances. It obviously does.
But I know from my own life that such actions are unskillful attempts to resolve pain and suffering, so in that sense, they might be seen as rooted in love. Perhaps seeing and understanding that allows us to have more compassion for the perpetrators, rather than seeing them as intentionally evil. Perhaps it allows us to come from Love in our response, rather than from blame, self-righteousness, or the desire to punish. Perhaps it helps us not to wallow in the suffering (or the blame, or the shame) in a way that really isn’t helpful to anyone. I find it worthwhile to question our responses to such things and how we are seeing them, and whether these responses heal or exacerbate the pain and the delusion. In my experience, we often do perpetuate the pain and make it worse by how we think and talk about it, how we imagine it, and so on.
But these are open questions. I am never writing things from a place of absolute certainty or authority, but always (I hope) from a place of exploration and wondering.
Thank you all for being here.
Joan: Your article really helped me today. I’m caring for a father who has dementia. Lately, he’s been accusing me of many untrue acts. Sometimes, I wonder where my love has gone, as I deal with my own emotions of rage, burnout, and disgust. You words brought healing to me today. Thank you.❤️
As do many, it seems, I too resonate with your messages. As I to convey similar wisdoms, I was wondering if you would mind if I share some of your writings in conjunction with mine on my newsletter. We both, are of similar perspectives.
Please let me know if you would or would not like me to share your works in my newsletter.
Here is one of my writings, should you want to understand a bit more about me.
https://iamwisdom.substack.com/p/the-end-is-the-beginning
Thank you, Mark