Sufficiency

The Grit and the Pearl

“There is a sufficiency at the heart of life and when we awaken to it, life is fulfilled. It is not a matter of conditions being sufficient, rather that reality is sufficient and complete in itself. We may be ill, not have enough food or warmth, be alone and still know sufficiency. It is not in addition to present conditions, nor is it a talisman that will save us. If we are dying, then that reality is sufficient, not as a pointer to something else, but in the direct experience of the moment. At the most fundamental level, reality does not lack anything. There is a sufficiency that goes on unfolding forever. Our access to knowing this is hindered when we try to make reality into something we believe we need, rather than letting it reveal itself. To let go may seem demanding, yet such openness is our true state.”

— Zen teacher Daishin Morgan, from Delving

I love Rev. Morgan’s use of the word sufficiency to describe the nature of reality. No promise of perpetual happiness or bliss, but not lacking anything. Letting go of everything we are trying to hold onto—something certain, something permanent, something graspable, “a talisman that will save us”—letting all that go, and simply being present with the raw actuality of this moment, just as it is. Letting it reveal itself.

How it is isn’t how we think it is. To see it as it is requires really looking, listening, sensing, awaring. Seeing through the conceptual overlays. Seeing past the labels, categorizations, judgments, identities, explanations. A willingness to feel what is profoundly uncomfortable. And what is profoundly uncomfortable is not always pain and failure—it might be the discomfort of receiving love or gratitude or praise.

My fingers are bandaged as I type these words. I had a very severe finger biting attack earlier this evening. After many days of being completely free from this compulsion, I felt it gradually returning all day, small precursor behaviors I’ve learned to recognize, and then it came on full force this evening. How do we behold the wounds, the apparent mistakes, the horrors, the difficulties?

I come home again and again to an appreciation of the pain, imperfection and messiness of life, the uncertainty and unresolvability of it, its ungraspable nature, and the sufficiency of every moment, however dark it might sometimes be. I come home again and again to the liberating possibility of simply being right here, right now, without putting any kind of spin on what is. Letting the pain be pain. Letting the sadness feel sad. Letting the horrors be horrifying. No grand explanations or curative fantasies. Just what is, as it is. Bare, unvarnished, unadorned. And always, in this moment, sufficient.

In simply being right here as this present experiencing, we may discover that whatever shows up is not only bearable, but actually, when seen deeply, it may even be surprisingly beautiful, even in its imperfection, maybe even in part because of its imperfection.

As the Rolling Stones once put it, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.”

In my experience, we always get exactly what we need.

“Our access to knowing this is hindered when we try to make reality into something we believe we need, rather than letting it reveal itself.” (Daishin Morgan)

Letting reality reveal itself. Letting it all be exactly as it is. Not being lost in stories about it, not trying to cure or change or transform or transcend it, but simply experiencing the bare actuality of what is, just as it is. Not grasping anything. Not pushing anything away. Not landing anywhere. Not coming to any conclusions.

Present experiencing is at once the grit and the pearl, and as the Zen folks like to say about all apparent polarities, these are “Not one, not two.” Not affirming, not denying. Which leaves us right here: open, groundless, free. Nothing to grasp. Nothing lacking. Just this.

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Love to all…