A few words
I want to thank everyone for your love and support and wonderful responses to my last post (“Silence”). It has been very moving. Thank you, all! 🙏❤️
I want to clarify that when I mentioned feeling pulled in some radically different directions lately, although I didn’t say this, I was referring to being pulled in two different (seemingly opposite) directions in my spiritual life and work, and not to the fluctuations in inner weather that had also been happening. That pull in different directions spiritually is not entirely new, but it seems lately to be at one of those points where things come to a head and clarify and shift. That is what I’m sitting with and feeling out in silence, and I’ll undoubtedly say more about it at some point when it feels clearer.
I also want to clarify that I’m not in total silence—I’m still holding Zooms—I just need some time to sit with what’s going on without writing.
And please know that I’m not in some dark depression—what I alluded to were passing waves of depressive darkness along with some intense flare-ups of the fingerbiting compulsion I’ve had since childhood, fluctuating with the total absence of both. None of this is unusual for me—it’s recognized as passing weather. I’ve written about it in all my books and in many articles. (Also, for the record, I bite the skin, never the nails, on my fingers and sometimes knuckles—it’s a closely related but different compulsive disorder from nail biting).
My dips into mild depression have become less frequent over the years and they pass more quickly when they happen. Likewise, my once extremely severe fingerbiting compulsion has subsided in recent decades into something much milder that disappears entirely for days, weeks and sometimes even months at a time. But so far, it comes back. And recently I did have a more intense flare-up.
Finally, the article I mentioned that I had planned to send out this past Wednesday night / Thursday morning, but then decided not to send, now seems strangely relevant, so you’ll probably be getting that very soon. It’s called “No End to Problems: the beauty of life as it is.” It was written earlier this week, before my Silence post.
All for now….and again, deep gratitude for all your love and support. We all need each other, and I’m so grateful to be in your company.
Love to all,
joan
Joan, compulsions and periods of depressions come and go as you have written about. As a psychotherapist, I appreciate your candid descriptions of the things you have gone through and how you have handled them. Sometimes people deal with these things quietly and others believe the person has no problem and is just sailing through life. That is rarely the case and your honesty and ability to describe how you went through rough times is why why I have been reading everything you've written since my friend gave me your book, waking up in the heartland in 2006. I appreciate you so much.
"We all need each other..." Oh yes Joan, so true. Thank you for your presence❤️