What causes me to feel deep joy, understanding and coming home, while at the same time everything becomes wide and boundless.
But... I can't feel ‘I am That’ without it becoming narrower.
It makes no sense to me at all to say "I am That " because at the same time "I am not". And even that is too much.
It may be that I cannot feel something here, that I am not ready yet (everything has its time :-)) or that it is still a remnant of my traumatic experiences from the past or whether it is already the inkling of a coming deep insight.... I don't know.
Whatever the case, Joan, I am so grateful for your wise words. Thank you.
It sounds like the experiential sense of boundlessness is fully present, and then thought comes up and tries to figure out or experience how "I am That," and suddenly that open boundlessness seems to shrink or narrow down to the thought-sense of being a little encapsulated separate self, and the story of "me" begins rolling: "I'm not getting this...maybe it's because of my traumatic past...maybe someday I will get it...maybe I won't..." etc. Can you see that this is all a story, however relatively true it seems to be? It's just thought.
You seem to see that "I am not," by which I assume you mean that this seemingly separate, autonomous, encapsulated self is a kind of mirage that can't actually be found, yes? So then thought asks, "If I don't exist, how can I be boundless?" Again, notice that this is thought trying to work this out. That thought activity immediately creates the mirage-like "me" who seemingly doesn't get it, and the imaginary problem that "I" somehow need to solve in order to "get it" and be okay.
To what does this word "I" refer? Superficially, in everyday life, it refers to the individual person, Kerstin. But if you go deeper in search of what the word most fundamentally refers to, what do you find? Maybe no-thing you can grasp? Maybe EVERYTHING, this whole experiential field? Maybe just the sense of being here, present and aware? If you don't refer to thought, if you stay with bare experience, does this aware presence have an age, a gender, a traumatic past, a boundary? Isn't it no-thing appearing as EVERYTHING?
And even if you look at the bodymind person called Kerstin, can you find where this bodymind begins or ends? Would it exist without air, water, food, light? Is it really separate from the whole universe, or is it an activity of the whole universe, like a wave in the ocean or a whirlpool in the river? If you look closely at Kerstin or anything else that appears, you find the whole universe is there. So Kerstin is that infinite wholeness, and when you look for Kerstin, you find continuous change inseparable from everything that is supposedly "not Kerstin."
And when you notice thought getting tangled up in trying to "get this" or figure it out or have some particular experience, just notice what's happening. Don't be bamboozled by the thinking mind. And when bamboozlement happens, simply notice that this, too, is simply something the universe (or consciousness, or totality) is doing. It's not personal. It doesn't mean "you" don't "get it." Because what are "you"? And what is "it"? The problem and the one who seems to have it are both creations of thought.
Thank you Joan for the expression. Mapping has been rising in my awareness. I appreciate reading your perspective.
Pathway is a concept I’ve noticed as a tracked space between and among clouds.
I am inspired by: still/noticed moments amid life = meditation.
I aspire to rest in noticing today, in conversation with all.
I wonder about the integration of the depth of experience and the writer/noticer’s conversations? About the convergence of awareness and the doing action. Your writings seem to assist with this wonder.
This device I’m holding is part of ease and part of dis-ease.
Ah… true simplicity… think there’s a song about that experience … always love what your words evoke… the simple awareness of this amazing moment to moment time that dices the eternal now so that we may “experience” a “lifetime” - as stardust in the wind, currently coalescing in consciousness of/with these bodies… always making friends with the wind
Nicely written and clear zen to me! Thanks Joan☺️👍👨🎨🎨🎼🥰👌
Your words are the light that shines on truth.
Long may that continue.
Thanks Joan 🙏
Dear Joan,
You always manage to put into words what I feel.
What causes me to feel deep joy, understanding and coming home, while at the same time everything becomes wide and boundless.
But... I can't feel ‘I am That’ without it becoming narrower.
It makes no sense to me at all to say "I am That " because at the same time "I am not". And even that is too much.
It may be that I cannot feel something here, that I am not ready yet (everything has its time :-)) or that it is still a remnant of my traumatic experiences from the past or whether it is already the inkling of a coming deep insight.... I don't know.
Whatever the case, Joan, I am so grateful for your wise words. Thank you.
It sounds like the experiential sense of boundlessness is fully present, and then thought comes up and tries to figure out or experience how "I am That," and suddenly that open boundlessness seems to shrink or narrow down to the thought-sense of being a little encapsulated separate self, and the story of "me" begins rolling: "I'm not getting this...maybe it's because of my traumatic past...maybe someday I will get it...maybe I won't..." etc. Can you see that this is all a story, however relatively true it seems to be? It's just thought.
You seem to see that "I am not," by which I assume you mean that this seemingly separate, autonomous, encapsulated self is a kind of mirage that can't actually be found, yes? So then thought asks, "If I don't exist, how can I be boundless?" Again, notice that this is thought trying to work this out. That thought activity immediately creates the mirage-like "me" who seemingly doesn't get it, and the imaginary problem that "I" somehow need to solve in order to "get it" and be okay.
To what does this word "I" refer? Superficially, in everyday life, it refers to the individual person, Kerstin. But if you go deeper in search of what the word most fundamentally refers to, what do you find? Maybe no-thing you can grasp? Maybe EVERYTHING, this whole experiential field? Maybe just the sense of being here, present and aware? If you don't refer to thought, if you stay with bare experience, does this aware presence have an age, a gender, a traumatic past, a boundary? Isn't it no-thing appearing as EVERYTHING?
And even if you look at the bodymind person called Kerstin, can you find where this bodymind begins or ends? Would it exist without air, water, food, light? Is it really separate from the whole universe, or is it an activity of the whole universe, like a wave in the ocean or a whirlpool in the river? If you look closely at Kerstin or anything else that appears, you find the whole universe is there. So Kerstin is that infinite wholeness, and when you look for Kerstin, you find continuous change inseparable from everything that is supposedly "not Kerstin."
And when you notice thought getting tangled up in trying to "get this" or figure it out or have some particular experience, just notice what's happening. Don't be bamboozled by the thinking mind. And when bamboozlement happens, simply notice that this, too, is simply something the universe (or consciousness, or totality) is doing. It's not personal. It doesn't mean "you" don't "get it." Because what are "you"? And what is "it"? The problem and the one who seems to have it are both creations of thought.
Thank you so much ♥️
"Mapping is something the territory is doing."
Wow. That hit the target today, thank you Joan.
Thanks Joan. Wonderful introduction to today this morning, reading your post.
Thank you Joan for the expression. Mapping has been rising in my awareness. I appreciate reading your perspective.
Pathway is a concept I’ve noticed as a tracked space between and among clouds.
I am inspired by: still/noticed moments amid life = meditation.
I aspire to rest in noticing today, in conversation with all.
I wonder about the integration of the depth of experience and the writer/noticer’s conversations? About the convergence of awareness and the doing action. Your writings seem to assist with this wonder.
This device I’m holding is part of ease and part of dis-ease.
What a long comment! Thanks for reading.
I love it 🥹 Thank you again🥰
Ah… true simplicity… think there’s a song about that experience … always love what your words evoke… the simple awareness of this amazing moment to moment time that dices the eternal now so that we may “experience” a “lifetime” - as stardust in the wind, currently coalescing in consciousness of/with these bodies… always making friends with the wind
🌬️ 💨 🤍🩵🦋🤚🏾♥️ ✋🏼