This was a really wonderful post Joan and just what I needed to hear. It really helped me that you shared this "I’ve found after many years of wrestling with this that when the nonsubstantiality of everything that appears is fully realized on the level of direct experiencing rather than being heard as ideology and belief, there is absolutely no contradiction whatsoever. So if these questions trouble you as they have troubled me at times, what I’ve found is that the resolution can only be found by tuning into direct experience here and now." - Well they have troubled me a lot!, and so I see that tuning in more is the way and to keep doing this, and it is not 'looking away' but enables me to embrace it all. I especially loved the quotes you included from the Death book, esp from the time you spent with AnamT - just beautiful! But best of all from DB the quote - is that from one of his books too? A while back (I may have told you this already) I emailed DB and asked him about the unravelling of our civilisation and how the 'mixed bag' of things is starting to look decidedly more negative for many people on the planet, I got a warm hearted and practical response from him that is dear to me. The overall feeling of this post landed spot on reading it now, and I hold this very dearly too - thankyou.
Yes, the quote from DB is from one of his books, probably either Essence Revisited or Dismantling the Fantasy. In another one of his books, I think it was the one before this new one, he spoke repeatedly about "the warm, vibrant, unexplainable happening of this moment," and I loved that he was using the word warm. It gave it a different feel.
Behold! Be whole-d! Whole being. Nothing lacking. Nothing seeking. Nothing moving. Nowhere to go. No destination. Nothing to achieve. Stillness. Sweet stillness. Needing nothing. Effortlessly resting, Holding for whatever something arises from nothing. Behold! Be whole-d! Thank you, Joan. xo
I steeped myself in non-duality in the years leading up to my mother’s death, thinking I was missing the key that would insulate me from grief and fear. Her death hit me with an unexpected force that informed me that i couldn’t protect myself from anything, but taught me at the same time that i could bear it. One of Joko Beck’s talks is titled The Gift Nobody Wants and I wonder if that wasn’t what she was talking about.
Nobody wants to be afraid and from cold blooded James Bond to warm hearted Jesus, all our heroes are people we believe have conquered it. These last few years have taught me to be tender with my own and others’ fear and trauma because it so quickly leads to violence.
Nondual spirituality, as I see it, is not about insulating ourselves, but rather about opening more fully, becoming more sensitive, not less sensitive. Nondual realization does enable a way of being the whole happening that removes a layer of unnecessary suffering that is often added on top, and it opens a way of seeing it all that finds perfection in the imperfection. But this doesn't mean not feeling emotion or having only bland sunny weather with no storms.
I recently got very frustrated and angry about not being heard in a medical situation, and I lost my temper on the phone. I saw it happening but couldn't stop it from exploding. And then at some point, awareness dissolved the anger, and I apologized, and the person I had been venting at and I ended up laughing together.
Afterwards, I sat and felt into the anger and what was under it.
I realized that under the anger and frustration and outrage, I felt alone and frightened, realizing that no one in the medical world really knows anything for sure. I felt deep fear, and to my surprise, it was a fear of dying, something I hadn't known was there...and then below that, it was a fear of being alive...because being alive is so utterly vulnerable and out of control. As we age, this gets ever more obvious. My spine is degenerating and fracturing. As a bodymind, we are subject to pain and disability. Anything can happen in the next second: a hurricane, an earthquake, a war, a stroke, a fall, a cancer, a shooting, an assault, a rape, a loss of everything we hold dear or take for granted.
I don't cry easily, so no tears came out, but internally, I was sobbing. I felt it. It was a very deep experience. And yes, there is also the sense here of being boundless awareness / presence, unborn, undying, unencapsulated, in some sense invulnerable, inseparable from the whole. Here, there is no fear of death and no fear of feeling fear. This bigger or deeper or more subtle context doesn't wipe out the reality of also being a living organism. It doesn't wipe out the grief we feel or the fear. Hopefully, it allows us to recognize ALL of this as vital aspects of being this aliveness that we are. And we begin to find the gift in every unwanted experience, the grit the creates the pearl.
I too feel that same sense of vulnerability and I find that I can’t stay angry. A couple of weeks ago I was panicking about the possibility that Trump might get elected and resolving to never speak to Republicans. Then I got into a brief argument with an old student over it. I got really mad and then I apologized and we both let it drop. We all hurt enough and I’ve felt less apprehensive because I was able to be friendly.
As always, your sharing provides us all the opportunity to reflect on our journey. This was a beautiful essay, full of insight- that I actually need to digest peacefully.
But this sharing here in this comment also struck me! I deeply appreciate your open willingness to “be human” as often as you do, but this really struck me. Your working your way through the source of the anger/frustration was illuminating.
My mother died of a rare cancer when I was 6 years old. Much “damage” was done completely unintentionally as my father tried to guide us through life after this event. But, your words made me realize I created one of those “damages” myself and despite my “fooling myself” that I had recognized that and “discarded” it — you just helped me realize I had not discarded it after all.
This was a really wonderful post Joan and just what I needed to hear. It really helped me that you shared this "I’ve found after many years of wrestling with this that when the nonsubstantiality of everything that appears is fully realized on the level of direct experiencing rather than being heard as ideology and belief, there is absolutely no contradiction whatsoever. So if these questions trouble you as they have troubled me at times, what I’ve found is that the resolution can only be found by tuning into direct experience here and now." - Well they have troubled me a lot!, and so I see that tuning in more is the way and to keep doing this, and it is not 'looking away' but enables me to embrace it all. I especially loved the quotes you included from the Death book, esp from the time you spent with AnamT - just beautiful! But best of all from DB the quote - is that from one of his books too? A while back (I may have told you this already) I emailed DB and asked him about the unravelling of our civilisation and how the 'mixed bag' of things is starting to look decidedly more negative for many people on the planet, I got a warm hearted and practical response from him that is dear to me. The overall feeling of this post landed spot on reading it now, and I hold this very dearly too - thankyou.
Yes, the quote from DB is from one of his books, probably either Essence Revisited or Dismantling the Fantasy. In another one of his books, I think it was the one before this new one, he spoke repeatedly about "the warm, vibrant, unexplainable happening of this moment," and I loved that he was using the word warm. It gave it a different feel.
Behold! Be whole-d! Whole being. Nothing lacking. Nothing seeking. Nothing moving. Nowhere to go. No destination. Nothing to achieve. Stillness. Sweet stillness. Needing nothing. Effortlessly resting, Holding for whatever something arises from nothing. Behold! Be whole-d! Thank you, Joan. xo
My favorite Nisargadatta quote! I Am That 🫶🏼Thank you Joan 🧡
I steeped myself in non-duality in the years leading up to my mother’s death, thinking I was missing the key that would insulate me from grief and fear. Her death hit me with an unexpected force that informed me that i couldn’t protect myself from anything, but taught me at the same time that i could bear it. One of Joko Beck’s talks is titled The Gift Nobody Wants and I wonder if that wasn’t what she was talking about.
Nobody wants to be afraid and from cold blooded James Bond to warm hearted Jesus, all our heroes are people we believe have conquered it. These last few years have taught me to be tender with my own and others’ fear and trauma because it so quickly leads to violence.
Beautifully said. Yes. ❤️🙏
Nondual spirituality, as I see it, is not about insulating ourselves, but rather about opening more fully, becoming more sensitive, not less sensitive. Nondual realization does enable a way of being the whole happening that removes a layer of unnecessary suffering that is often added on top, and it opens a way of seeing it all that finds perfection in the imperfection. But this doesn't mean not feeling emotion or having only bland sunny weather with no storms.
I recently got very frustrated and angry about not being heard in a medical situation, and I lost my temper on the phone. I saw it happening but couldn't stop it from exploding. And then at some point, awareness dissolved the anger, and I apologized, and the person I had been venting at and I ended up laughing together.
Afterwards, I sat and felt into the anger and what was under it.
I realized that under the anger and frustration and outrage, I felt alone and frightened, realizing that no one in the medical world really knows anything for sure. I felt deep fear, and to my surprise, it was a fear of dying, something I hadn't known was there...and then below that, it was a fear of being alive...because being alive is so utterly vulnerable and out of control. As we age, this gets ever more obvious. My spine is degenerating and fracturing. As a bodymind, we are subject to pain and disability. Anything can happen in the next second: a hurricane, an earthquake, a war, a stroke, a fall, a cancer, a shooting, an assault, a rape, a loss of everything we hold dear or take for granted.
I don't cry easily, so no tears came out, but internally, I was sobbing. I felt it. It was a very deep experience. And yes, there is also the sense here of being boundless awareness / presence, unborn, undying, unencapsulated, in some sense invulnerable, inseparable from the whole. Here, there is no fear of death and no fear of feeling fear. This bigger or deeper or more subtle context doesn't wipe out the reality of also being a living organism. It doesn't wipe out the grief we feel or the fear. Hopefully, it allows us to recognize ALL of this as vital aspects of being this aliveness that we are. And we begin to find the gift in every unwanted experience, the grit the creates the pearl.
I too feel that same sense of vulnerability and I find that I can’t stay angry. A couple of weeks ago I was panicking about the possibility that Trump might get elected and resolving to never speak to Republicans. Then I got into a brief argument with an old student over it. I got really mad and then I apologized and we both let it drop. We all hurt enough and I’ve felt less apprehensive because I was able to be friendly.
Hello Joan,
As always, your sharing provides us all the opportunity to reflect on our journey. This was a beautiful essay, full of insight- that I actually need to digest peacefully.
But this sharing here in this comment also struck me! I deeply appreciate your open willingness to “be human” as often as you do, but this really struck me. Your working your way through the source of the anger/frustration was illuminating.
My mother died of a rare cancer when I was 6 years old. Much “damage” was done completely unintentionally as my father tried to guide us through life after this event. But, your words made me realize I created one of those “damages” myself and despite my “fooling myself” that I had recognized that and “discarded” it — you just helped me realize I had not discarded it after all.
Today, on many levels, has been illuminating ❤️🙏
Thank you so much