Thank you. So helpful. Found you through listening to you in Sam H’s Waking Up app - thanks so much for those sessions too - find I want to go back to them over and over.
Thank you Joan, this resonates deeply for me. Last week I decided to sign up again for a two week silent retreat this summer. I used to do this every year but with the pandemic I had stopped for 3 years.I realized how much I missed the practice, and how lately I had imagined I really didn't need it.I had been mislead by so many non-dual teachings that say something like: "Meditation practice is not necessary, do it only if you really want to". And yet...
Thank you and thank you writing in the gorilla joke! The topic of NOW can get weighty or deeply thought provoking at least for me, so a little humor goes a long way and reminds me to loosen up my grip and laugh!
Up this morning at 3:30. Nagging background of doubt about my practice. Inner voices related to comments from a trustworthy and wise friend who admonished about "being honest with myself." Useful advice, to be sure, but the doubt that arose is unnecessary, and I find this to be so by acknowledging and accepting, even embracing. This latest piece, Joan, was precision timed. Enormously helpful now.
Dear Joan, I love your articles and always read them. But, just curious, did you ever read the book of Suzanne Segall, “Collision with the Infinite: A Life Beyond the Personal Self”? She answered this questions in her own way.
Yes, I read the book and knew several people who were very close to Suzanne. I'm told she was reading my first book shortly before she died and that we would surely have met if I'd moved back to California a bit earlier than I did. But one time when I was in the Bay Area, Suzanne was sitting right behind me at an event with Jean Klein in Berkeley where she asked the question of him recorded in her book. (I realized that when I read the book and remembered the woman asking the question). She sent her book to Toni Packer, my main teacher, when I was with Toni, and Toni did not feel Suzanne was truly awake. As you may know, it turned out that Suzanne had a brain tumor, and I'm told she was also exploring trauma and dissociation near the end...so as one friend of her's put it, in the end we don't really know what was genuine awakening, what was possible dissociation from trauma, and what was the effects of a brain tumor--and maybe that's the beauty of it. Maybe we don't need to know. I did hear a few recorded talks of hers at some point many years ago. I can no longer remember anything much about either the book or those recorded talks.
Thank you very much for your answer Joan. I was deeply impressed by her book but was very disappointed by the afterword written by someone else. Indeed, it made her whole story less credible. You would think a tumor, a purely physical thing, even if it is in the brain, should not affect the highest reality. Will we ever know which person throughout human history has given a pure and completely reliable report of what is called the highest insight? Is it always somewhat contaminated by the personal reporting? It makes me so sad..
I'd say that disappointment you experienced was a wonderful wake up from a fantasy, similar to the disillusionment some people experience when a great teacher is shown to have very human flaws. Dis-illusion is a good thing, imo. Doesn't invalidate what's true in spirituality, but it pokes holes in idolatry and magical thinking. Brain tumors in certain parts of the brain can have a huge impact on perception and behavior, as I discovered when a housemate years ago had what turned out to be a brain tumor and not the psychotic breakdown we all thought it was, and Suzanne's tumor was apparently in a part of the brain often associated with spiritual experiences. Body, mind, spirit, matter are different words for, or perspectives on, one reality.
Joan, your writing is a fount of clarity. I read and I feel compassion for my self which seems to get caught again and again in all the email messages I believe I need to read, the ways I keep seeking outside instead of letting go and resting here. And thank you for Mel's message that we need to bring forth this Buddha-nature, to channel it. That's what practice is for.
My experience of the spiritual search was kind of funny. It was the introduction to the idea of a special, transcendent state that is just ordinary mind unimpeded by ideas.
Dipa Ma defines mindfulness as simply knowing what you are doing, and when we are caught in the greedy mind trap of looking for enlightenment, we don’t know what we are doing. I fumbled around for a good twenty years before I picked up a book by Achaan Chah who helpfully explained that the nature of the mind is to be dissatisfied, changing, and empty- a reality immediately observed when you are looking instead of searching.
I also have learned that the sequence in Buddhist practice begins with practicing generosity and kindness that create conditions for a happy life so that transcendence isn’t part of the equation. I find that when I’m taking care to be kind to myself and others, I’m fine and happy, while when I go around the bend like I did a couple of days ago over the Supreme Court, then I’m pretty miserable and radiating an unseemly ill will.
Sounds like you had some wise teachers in Dipa Ma and Ajahn Chah--yes to what you report they both said.
I wouldn't agree that "the sequence in Buddhist practice begins with practicing generosity and kindness that create conditions for a happy life so that transcendence isn’t part of the equation." As I'm sure you know, there are many versions and schools of Buddhism, often widely different, and this may be the approach in one of them, but it doesn't describe any of the Zen or Tibetan teachings that I've been involved with.
"Transcendence" is of course a tricky word, but as you report Dipa Ma saying, it is nothing more (or less) than "ordinary mind unimpeded by ideas." But the word often seems to suggest some kind of "up up and away" departure from ordinary life into some mystical Disneyland.
But I do certainly agree that being kind to oneself and others brings forth happiness, and reading the news often does not. Although it can be a very interesting (challenging and advanced) practice to see if it is possible to read the news or listen to someone whose views or actions we strongly disagree with without falling into identity as a separate self, fear, anger, judgment, defensiveness, aggression, misery and ill-will.
"I’ve tended to avoid the word practice in most of my writing because it can sound like something rote, methodical, result-oriented, or like rehearsing for a future performance. I usually prefer to speak of exploring, discovering, realizing and enjoying the living actuality here and now."
and
"Awakening is experiential, not intellectual, and it’s not about belief. It’s about direct seeing-knowing-feeling-being. It’s never about a past experience or a future attainment. Awakening is always NOW."
and
from Mel: “Each one of us has our own perfection which includes all of our so-called mistakes.”
thank you so much for sharing!
much love,
myq
PS when i came upon "the feeling that you are chasing a carrot forever just out of reach" in the first paragraph, i was actually eating some baby carrots, so the carrot has apparently been inside me the whole time!
I do agree with not trying or striving to get somewhere when we’re already here. Your writing has helped me recognize the light is always shining on the multiple layers of awareness and instead of shedding who I think I am as the personal self, it’s opening to the wholeness that’s always been there/here/now but obscured by trying to be what you think others want and so many layers of otherness existing outside. My own discovery is internal. The love is…..just is, not other, not something to get or earn; it’s boundless and sometimes it bubbles up. 💗🙏
Reading this centered me right away. You explain and touched a lot on the concept of "purification" like "purification project for the phantom "me" !! I connected it with Mel's words "We think that delusion precedes enlightenment" like first I have to be "pure" and then I can be "aware"- good luck! Looking back I can see that I walked that path a lot. (and still do)
I find your whole analogy about watching TV and being pulled into the "soap opera" and the "drama" very helpful. It is so funny and so true!
It is also useful to hear about the default thinking that since "this is it" and "nothing is missing" we don't have to do our genuine search. Very clearly laid out. I love your writing.
Thank you!
Thank you. So helpful. Found you through listening to you in Sam H’s Waking Up app - thanks so much for those sessions too - find I want to go back to them over and over.
Thank you Joan, this resonates deeply for me. Last week I decided to sign up again for a two week silent retreat this summer. I used to do this every year but with the pandemic I had stopped for 3 years.I realized how much I missed the practice, and how lately I had imagined I really didn't need it.I had been mislead by so many non-dual teachings that say something like: "Meditation practice is not necessary, do it only if you really want to". And yet...
Thank you and thank you writing in the gorilla joke! The topic of NOW can get weighty or deeply thought provoking at least for me, so a little humor goes a long way and reminds me to loosen up my grip and laugh!
PS: I love your sense of humor too!!!😃
Just what I needed, as usual ❤️❤️❤️
Anne
fantastic and the book is on my list! thanks for what you do
Endless exploration and discovery. A beautiful love affair with Life.
Up this morning at 3:30. Nagging background of doubt about my practice. Inner voices related to comments from a trustworthy and wise friend who admonished about "being honest with myself." Useful advice, to be sure, but the doubt that arose is unnecessary, and I find this to be so by acknowledging and accepting, even embracing. This latest piece, Joan, was precision timed. Enormously helpful now.
Dear Joan, I love your articles and always read them. But, just curious, did you ever read the book of Suzanne Segall, “Collision with the Infinite: A Life Beyond the Personal Self”? She answered this questions in her own way.
Yes, I read the book and knew several people who were very close to Suzanne. I'm told she was reading my first book shortly before she died and that we would surely have met if I'd moved back to California a bit earlier than I did. But one time when I was in the Bay Area, Suzanne was sitting right behind me at an event with Jean Klein in Berkeley where she asked the question of him recorded in her book. (I realized that when I read the book and remembered the woman asking the question). She sent her book to Toni Packer, my main teacher, when I was with Toni, and Toni did not feel Suzanne was truly awake. As you may know, it turned out that Suzanne had a brain tumor, and I'm told she was also exploring trauma and dissociation near the end...so as one friend of her's put it, in the end we don't really know what was genuine awakening, what was possible dissociation from trauma, and what was the effects of a brain tumor--and maybe that's the beauty of it. Maybe we don't need to know. I did hear a few recorded talks of hers at some point many years ago. I can no longer remember anything much about either the book or those recorded talks.
Thank you very much for your answer Joan. I was deeply impressed by her book but was very disappointed by the afterword written by someone else. Indeed, it made her whole story less credible. You would think a tumor, a purely physical thing, even if it is in the brain, should not affect the highest reality. Will we ever know which person throughout human history has given a pure and completely reliable report of what is called the highest insight? Is it always somewhat contaminated by the personal reporting? It makes me so sad..
I'd say that disappointment you experienced was a wonderful wake up from a fantasy, similar to the disillusionment some people experience when a great teacher is shown to have very human flaws. Dis-illusion is a good thing, imo. Doesn't invalidate what's true in spirituality, but it pokes holes in idolatry and magical thinking. Brain tumors in certain parts of the brain can have a huge impact on perception and behavior, as I discovered when a housemate years ago had what turned out to be a brain tumor and not the psychotic breakdown we all thought it was, and Suzanne's tumor was apparently in a part of the brain often associated with spiritual experiences. Body, mind, spirit, matter are different words for, or perspectives on, one reality.
Joan, your writing is a fount of clarity. I read and I feel compassion for my self which seems to get caught again and again in all the email messages I believe I need to read, the ways I keep seeking outside instead of letting go and resting here. And thank you for Mel's message that we need to bring forth this Buddha-nature, to channel it. That's what practice is for.
My experience of the spiritual search was kind of funny. It was the introduction to the idea of a special, transcendent state that is just ordinary mind unimpeded by ideas.
Dipa Ma defines mindfulness as simply knowing what you are doing, and when we are caught in the greedy mind trap of looking for enlightenment, we don’t know what we are doing. I fumbled around for a good twenty years before I picked up a book by Achaan Chah who helpfully explained that the nature of the mind is to be dissatisfied, changing, and empty- a reality immediately observed when you are looking instead of searching.
I also have learned that the sequence in Buddhist practice begins with practicing generosity and kindness that create conditions for a happy life so that transcendence isn’t part of the equation. I find that when I’m taking care to be kind to myself and others, I’m fine and happy, while when I go around the bend like I did a couple of days ago over the Supreme Court, then I’m pretty miserable and radiating an unseemly ill will.
Sounds like you had some wise teachers in Dipa Ma and Ajahn Chah--yes to what you report they both said.
I wouldn't agree that "the sequence in Buddhist practice begins with practicing generosity and kindness that create conditions for a happy life so that transcendence isn’t part of the equation." As I'm sure you know, there are many versions and schools of Buddhism, often widely different, and this may be the approach in one of them, but it doesn't describe any of the Zen or Tibetan teachings that I've been involved with.
"Transcendence" is of course a tricky word, but as you report Dipa Ma saying, it is nothing more (or less) than "ordinary mind unimpeded by ideas." But the word often seems to suggest some kind of "up up and away" departure from ordinary life into some mystical Disneyland.
But I do certainly agree that being kind to oneself and others brings forth happiness, and reading the news often does not. Although it can be a very interesting (challenging and advanced) practice to see if it is possible to read the news or listen to someone whose views or actions we strongly disagree with without falling into identity as a separate self, fear, anger, judgment, defensiveness, aggression, misery and ill-will.
I should have been more specific and said that the sequence is particular to Theravada.
So much wisdom. Thank you
dear joan,
thank you for these beautiful words, as always.
i like these passages a lot:
"I’ve tended to avoid the word practice in most of my writing because it can sound like something rote, methodical, result-oriented, or like rehearsing for a future performance. I usually prefer to speak of exploring, discovering, realizing and enjoying the living actuality here and now."
and
"Awakening is experiential, not intellectual, and it’s not about belief. It’s about direct seeing-knowing-feeling-being. It’s never about a past experience or a future attainment. Awakening is always NOW."
and
from Mel: “Each one of us has our own perfection which includes all of our so-called mistakes.”
thank you so much for sharing!
much love,
myq
PS when i came upon "the feeling that you are chasing a carrot forever just out of reach" in the first paragraph, i was actually eating some baby carrots, so the carrot has apparently been inside me the whole time!
😁
I do agree with not trying or striving to get somewhere when we’re already here. Your writing has helped me recognize the light is always shining on the multiple layers of awareness and instead of shedding who I think I am as the personal self, it’s opening to the wholeness that’s always been there/here/now but obscured by trying to be what you think others want and so many layers of otherness existing outside. My own discovery is internal. The love is…..just is, not other, not something to get or earn; it’s boundless and sometimes it bubbles up. 💗🙏
Reading this centered me right away. You explain and touched a lot on the concept of "purification" like "purification project for the phantom "me" !! I connected it with Mel's words "We think that delusion precedes enlightenment" like first I have to be "pure" and then I can be "aware"- good luck! Looking back I can see that I walked that path a lot. (and still do)
I find your whole analogy about watching TV and being pulled into the "soap opera" and the "drama" very helpful. It is so funny and so true!
It is also useful to hear about the default thinking that since "this is it" and "nothing is missing" we don't have to do our genuine search. Very clearly laid out. I love your writing.