Recently one night, I was trying to find a quote from my first book, Bare-Bones Meditation: Waking Up from the Story of My Life, and in the course of searching for it, I ended up reading whole sections of that book that I hadn’t read in years.
Thanks as always, Joan. This piece is so timely for me. I have been overwhelmed with sorrow on so many occasions recently. The world situation is devastating on many levels. The horror in the Middle East and elsewhere. I feel for my friends in the US. There have been moments of joy too. It's early spring here in Andalucia and the freesias and the almond blossoms are out in full glory while the apricot flowers are just starting to show. Much Love.
That's a wonderful meditative inquiry to feel into: who or what was touched? You may find nothing you can pin down and at the same time, everything. But don't settle for anyone else's answers. If the question is alive for you, look for yourself. Feel into it. Really, there is no answer. Only the openness of wondering...looking...listening...feeling touched. 🙏
Lovely...returning as always to the moment without the overlay. We actually do this relatively rarely, our almost instantaneous analysing and describing kicking in before we've even realised it - but when we do...exquisite. Circumstances for me lately have fostered a realisation too of just how profoundly different each moment is from its neighbours...although again, this is by no means always noticed. I wish you well.
And thank you so much Joan. Yes, all the teachers are gone except silence. This moved me and reminded how I miss my father and my mother, Paco (my psychoanalyst) and all the other teachers... The directive by Toni to just listening helps me enormously. I send you love and hugs.
Joan, you say: “I feel how often I have missed the mark, how often I’ve offered something to grasp rather than the listening silence, the open presence, the aliveness of this one bottomless moment.” I might be missing the mark here but given the immense sadness and sorrow and horrors and heartbreak that just is part of this whole happening, it is a blessing and a gift to have something to grasp at times, especially your offerings and those of others you share. I don’t think there’s mutual exclusivity: not wanting comforting answers or diversions doesn’t mean I don’t NEED those, for whatever reasons that don’t really matter. I can see the need as equally part of the whole human happening, or at least my human happening. And maybe this makes me less spiritual or whatever lol but I don’t really care. Letting go of protections and certainties as I wade into the vulnerability of bottomlessness can be and has been terrifying for me. I can see the terror and sit with it and watch it drift by and then watch it inevitably come back around… but then I need a break. Reading your readings and meeting with you has been like a “coming up for air”. Your meetings with Mel and Toni had a deep impact on you; and my experiences with you, even though only virtual, have been deeply impactful for me; they allow me to take a deep breath so I can dive back into the depths of bottomlessness. And with each deep breath the silence, the stillness, the presence becomes more apparent and it becomes easier to settle into the moment. THANK YOU!
Thank you for your comment and your appreciation. But you may be misunderstanding what I mean by grasping. I think it's wonderful to have books, videos, teachers, retreats, meetings, and all the things that encourage and invite and help us to wake up moment to moment from the grasping mind of delusion, suffering and confusion, and to discover the spaciousness and possibility of simply being here now, open and present. To whatever degree my writing provides that, I'm very happy. But if the message is really heard, it's not about grasping it as a new belief or an ideology to hang onto, but rather, it's an invitation to "wake up now," to open to the aliveness of this very moment.
Yes, my writing offers a nondual perspective on life that can be helpful, but it's only really liberating when it's discovered directly, not when it's simply a philosophy to believe in.
What my teacher and friend Toni Packer was inviting was a radical openness, letting go of (or seeing through) all the beliefs, answers, and comforting dogmas to which we habitually cling, as well as all the stories we tell ourselves, positive and negative. She stripped away all the extras. But she was never saying anyone "should" do this. She never told anyone not to do whatever they were drawn to do. If someone finds it comforting, helpful and life-sustaining to believe in all the dogmas of a religion and to engage in all the practices, I would never tell them that's wrong or useless. But what I hope to offer is something else, and sometimes, I fall short.
Yes, our grasping and seeking is all part of our human nature. In practical ways, it's a healthy survival instinct. And in some ways, even in spiritual and emotional dimensions, it serves us. If we didn't search for relief from suffering, we might never find it. But eventually, we discover that the searching and grasping IS the suffering. We begin to let go and to "settle" in the way my teacher Mel meant it, which had nothing to do with staying in one place forever. Seeking can end, but exploration and discovery is unending.
Reflecting on the ways I have sometimes fallen short in offering "nothing to grasp" is not about beating myself up or thinking I "should" (or could) have done differently in that moment. It's simply about doing this work that I am moved to do. 🙏❤️
Thank you for this too! And maybe another way I can try to say what I was trying to say is that there’s something that happens in the reading or the meeting—it’s the human connection—before any beliefs or concepts have time to sink in or take hold. That wordless thing that’s not really a thing, is what I appreciate being able to “grasp” or better said… experience. It really is less about the words and more about the experience, because it is so alive. Being witness to someone doing the work that they are moved to do is an inspiration as I become more open to life moving through me vs “me” trying to define and understand and control life. There’s no missing the mark in the lived aliveness that you offer, that can’t ever miss the mark, and that is what I’m grateful for!
Thank you, Joan, for this writing is timely for me, too. I am leaving to go on a silent retreat today and am reminded of one i attended with you at Springwater just a few years back. I was so intent on meeting and being with you in satsang that I didn’t make the most of going into the silence. So this post you just shared is helpful as I prepare to be quiet and go in. I love it when you talk about Toni and share about your time with her. What a wonderful relationship you shared. 🙏🏼❤️
You wrote //and I felt how much I’m still a beginner, still just beginning to hear and appreciate. //
I was reminded of Aldous Huxley who gave me my best first thought: ‘We are ways always arriving and never becoming’”” Sort of meaning that as long we live we keep learning How live.
Your honesty is a precious gift. It is a rarity few are blessed to encounter. Perhaps if more did, our world would be a more joyful place. Listening to your words allows access to the energy of transmission. Not being of a Buddhist tradition, I didn't realize the simplicity behind transmission. Many shroud it in tradition and hide the gentle ordinariness. Honesty. Kindness. Openness. Compassion for the human story. Bowed humbly.
Thanks as always, Joan. This piece is so timely for me. I have been overwhelmed with sorrow on so many occasions recently. The world situation is devastating on many levels. The horror in the Middle East and elsewhere. I feel for my friends in the US. There have been moments of joy too. It's early spring here in Andalucia and the freesias and the almond blossoms are out in full glory while the apricot flowers are just starting to show. Much Love.
Excellent reminder , as always , thank you xx
Dear Joan, I was touched to tears by reading this. So beautiful! Joan, can I ask you, ‚ Who or what was so touched?‘ Thank you for everything 🙏
That's a wonderful meditative inquiry to feel into: who or what was touched? You may find nothing you can pin down and at the same time, everything. But don't settle for anyone else's answers. If the question is alive for you, look for yourself. Feel into it. Really, there is no answer. Only the openness of wondering...looking...listening...feeling touched. 🙏
Lovely...returning as always to the moment without the overlay. We actually do this relatively rarely, our almost instantaneous analysing and describing kicking in before we've even realised it - but when we do...exquisite. Circumstances for me lately have fostered a realisation too of just how profoundly different each moment is from its neighbours...although again, this is by no means always noticed. I wish you well.
Thank you, Joan. As always.
Yes, the metaphor of "listening" resonates so much with me, and creates an openness that at times feels almost unbearable.
Yet the fact that it is always available is a great comfort, thank you Joan.
Love your writings, recollections, and love you share here
Ahhh..the long winding road that can bring Us back to where WE have all ways been..Home/Now💝🙏
And thank you so much Joan. Yes, all the teachers are gone except silence. This moved me and reminded how I miss my father and my mother, Paco (my psychoanalyst) and all the other teachers... The directive by Toni to just listening helps me enormously. I send you love and hugs.
🙏❤️
Joan, you say: “I feel how often I have missed the mark, how often I’ve offered something to grasp rather than the listening silence, the open presence, the aliveness of this one bottomless moment.” I might be missing the mark here but given the immense sadness and sorrow and horrors and heartbreak that just is part of this whole happening, it is a blessing and a gift to have something to grasp at times, especially your offerings and those of others you share. I don’t think there’s mutual exclusivity: not wanting comforting answers or diversions doesn’t mean I don’t NEED those, for whatever reasons that don’t really matter. I can see the need as equally part of the whole human happening, or at least my human happening. And maybe this makes me less spiritual or whatever lol but I don’t really care. Letting go of protections and certainties as I wade into the vulnerability of bottomlessness can be and has been terrifying for me. I can see the terror and sit with it and watch it drift by and then watch it inevitably come back around… but then I need a break. Reading your readings and meeting with you has been like a “coming up for air”. Your meetings with Mel and Toni had a deep impact on you; and my experiences with you, even though only virtual, have been deeply impactful for me; they allow me to take a deep breath so I can dive back into the depths of bottomlessness. And with each deep breath the silence, the stillness, the presence becomes more apparent and it becomes easier to settle into the moment. THANK YOU!
Thank you for your comment and your appreciation. But you may be misunderstanding what I mean by grasping. I think it's wonderful to have books, videos, teachers, retreats, meetings, and all the things that encourage and invite and help us to wake up moment to moment from the grasping mind of delusion, suffering and confusion, and to discover the spaciousness and possibility of simply being here now, open and present. To whatever degree my writing provides that, I'm very happy. But if the message is really heard, it's not about grasping it as a new belief or an ideology to hang onto, but rather, it's an invitation to "wake up now," to open to the aliveness of this very moment.
Yes, my writing offers a nondual perspective on life that can be helpful, but it's only really liberating when it's discovered directly, not when it's simply a philosophy to believe in.
What my teacher and friend Toni Packer was inviting was a radical openness, letting go of (or seeing through) all the beliefs, answers, and comforting dogmas to which we habitually cling, as well as all the stories we tell ourselves, positive and negative. She stripped away all the extras. But she was never saying anyone "should" do this. She never told anyone not to do whatever they were drawn to do. If someone finds it comforting, helpful and life-sustaining to believe in all the dogmas of a religion and to engage in all the practices, I would never tell them that's wrong or useless. But what I hope to offer is something else, and sometimes, I fall short.
Yes, our grasping and seeking is all part of our human nature. In practical ways, it's a healthy survival instinct. And in some ways, even in spiritual and emotional dimensions, it serves us. If we didn't search for relief from suffering, we might never find it. But eventually, we discover that the searching and grasping IS the suffering. We begin to let go and to "settle" in the way my teacher Mel meant it, which had nothing to do with staying in one place forever. Seeking can end, but exploration and discovery is unending.
Reflecting on the ways I have sometimes fallen short in offering "nothing to grasp" is not about beating myself up or thinking I "should" (or could) have done differently in that moment. It's simply about doing this work that I am moved to do. 🙏❤️
Thank you for this too! And maybe another way I can try to say what I was trying to say is that there’s something that happens in the reading or the meeting—it’s the human connection—before any beliefs or concepts have time to sink in or take hold. That wordless thing that’s not really a thing, is what I appreciate being able to “grasp” or better said… experience. It really is less about the words and more about the experience, because it is so alive. Being witness to someone doing the work that they are moved to do is an inspiration as I become more open to life moving through me vs “me” trying to define and understand and control life. There’s no missing the mark in the lived aliveness that you offer, that can’t ever miss the mark, and that is what I’m grateful for!
❤️🙏
Joan; Another incredibly eye-opening and profound message. Thank you thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Joan, for this writing is timely for me, too. I am leaving to go on a silent retreat today and am reminded of one i attended with you at Springwater just a few years back. I was so intent on meeting and being with you in satsang that I didn’t make the most of going into the silence. So this post you just shared is helpful as I prepare to be quiet and go in. I love it when you talk about Toni and share about your time with her. What a wonderful relationship you shared. 🙏🏼❤️
Wonderful to hear from you again, Cindy. I remember you well. 🙏❤️
You wrote //and I felt how much I’m still a beginner, still just beginning to hear and appreciate. //
I was reminded of Aldous Huxley who gave me my best first thought: ‘We are ways always arriving and never becoming’”” Sort of meaning that as long we live we keep learning How live.
Your honesty is a precious gift. It is a rarity few are blessed to encounter. Perhaps if more did, our world would be a more joyful place. Listening to your words allows access to the energy of transmission. Not being of a Buddhist tradition, I didn't realize the simplicity behind transmission. Many shroud it in tradition and hide the gentle ordinariness. Honesty. Kindness. Openness. Compassion for the human story. Bowed humbly.
You wrote //and I felt how much I’m still a beginner, still just beginning to hear and appreciate. //
I was reminded of Aldous Huxley who gave me my best first thought: ‘We are always arriving and never becoming’””
Sort of meaning that as long we live we keep learning How live.
Correction: How to live…