The Way Home

Exploring and Enjoying What Is

If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?
― Dogen

I’m often asked for suggestions on how to wake up and be more present, or how to move beyond compulsive behaviors and painful ways of thinking. In one sense, there is no way to be “more present” or “more awake,” since we always already are this immovable yet ever-changing aware presence or present experiencing Here-Now. But because the simplicity of being just this moment is so often (seemingly) obscured by the me-centered dream and all the myriad forms of human suffering and confusion, many practices or ways of exploration and discovery have emerged to wake us up and free us. I’ll share a few that I find most revelatory and liberating. But it’s important not to take them up in a result-oriented way, as if trying to get to some future goal, some better you or more perfect life. Remember, it’s always only about RIGHT NOW. So with that in mind, here are my suggestions:

Bring open attention to sensory experiencing—hearing sounds, seeing the visual symphony all around us (shapes and colors, textures, movements of light and shadow), enjoying aromas and tastes, sensing the whole body. The sensory world is very different from the conceptualized world painted by thought, and the more we tune into the sensory, the more we see and feel this living reality in a different way. The conceptualized world seems solid, fixed, linear, dualistic and divided up into many separate pieces, whereas the sensory world is fluid, seamless, evanescent, ever-changing, nonlinear, nondual and unpindownable. Giving open attention to sensory experiencing opens us to the felt-sense of being awareness and boundless presence.

Giving attention to the body is profoundly helpful in my experience, especially if we are caught in some kind of sticky emotional turmoil, some unsettling mental dilemma, or some harmful addictive or compulsive behavior. Feel the body, sensing it, exploring it with awareness—feeling the belly, chest, throat, face, head, hands and feet—entering deeply into the sensations themselves, exploring them, going to the very core of them, letting them unfold. The body has deep wisdom—it doesn’t lie the way the mind often will. And unlike the seemingly solid “me” of thought and imagination, or the apparently solid “body” we see in the mirror or think about, somatic sensations offer a much more fluid, permeable, open, borderless, ephemeral and protean sense of the body. Sensing the body in this way allows us to discover directly that the body-mind-world is never actually divided up in the way those words suggest, and that all of it is more of a seamless wave-like movement than a collection of solid, separate things.

Notice the open unbound space of awareness in which everything, including the body-mind-world, all our experiences, and the whole universe, is appearing and disappearing. Notice how in your direct experience consciousness is not actually encapsulated inside the body, but rather, the body is appearing in consciousness. Experientially, nothing is outside of consciousness. Notice this. Feel into the openness of this vast spacious awaring presence that you are. Feel how everything is included, how everything belongs, how everything is a shining forth of this presence, this no-thing-ness that is not nothing, but is rather the aliveness, the light, the love, the wholeness of being.

The illusory separate “me” has often been likened to a tight fist. It is a kind of psychological and somatic contraction of mind and body. It takes effort to sustain a fist. A fist feels tense, tight and contracted. Before long, it hurts. The spiritual journey involves noticing this contraction or tightness throughout the bodymind in ever subtler ways. As the light of awareness shines on it, this contraction naturally relaxes and releases. The hand (the heart-mind and the whole organism) opens.

Feel into the body and notice any sense of tightening, curling in, holding, resisting, avoiding, pushing away, seeking, grasping, or efforting, gross or subtle. Notice any sense of dissatisfaction, restlessness, urgency, or trying to get control. Notice any thoughts that promote contraction—thoughts that refer to the little me, thoughts about lack, about what’s missing, what you need to find or do, efforts to understand all this mentally or grasp it conceptually—the sense of dilemma or unsettledness, of being pulled in different directions—worry, anxiety. Simply notice the thoughts and feel the sensations. Nothing more, nothing less. Explore and discover how our suffering is manufactured and sustained. The more clearly it is seen, the more it falls away.

Making a fist takes effort; opening the hand is the end of that effort. It is an effortless letting go, a falling open, a releasing. Relaxing doesn’t happen through effort and will-power, any more than falling asleep happens that way. Awareness is the transformative power, not will. Awakening is doing us, we’re not doing it. So if you feel yourself straining and trying in some way (trying to be mindful, trying not to think, trying to rest as awareness, trying to relax, trying not to try), notice that efforting and (if you can) simply let go, relax. But remember, you can’t make yourself relax. So if the tension persists, don’t fight it. Simply allow it to be as it is. Allowing is like unconditional love. Also be aware of judging any of this or taking it personally. Tension or contraction or resistance is not personal. It’s just weather, a momentary shape that presence is taking. Like everything, it will pass.

See the thoughts and stories that capture the attention and seem true, whether they are thoughts about you or the world or other people or the nature of reality. See that they are only ideas, however true they may seem to be.

Byron Katie offers a wonderful method for questioning thoughts, which she calls The Work. Take any one thought that seems true (e.g., “I’m a failure,” “You ruined my life,” “Such-and-such is wrong and shouldn’t be happening,” “So-and-so is an evil person who should be locked away forever,” etc.) and then ask 4 questions about that thought. Don’t think about these questions, but rather, feel deeply into each question:

• 1) Can I really know that’s true?  If the answer is yes, ask again—from the perspective of the universe, can I really know that’s true?

• 2) How does it feel when I believe that thought? (Feel into the body, really explore how it feels when you think and believe that thought—you might, for example, discover that you feel tight, self-righteous, separate, angry, and/or fearful).

• 3) How would it feel if I didn’t believe that thought? (Again, feel into this, don’t just think about it—you might discover you’d feel totally okay, relaxed, at ease, happy).

• 4) Can you see any good reason to hold onto this thought?  (If the answer is yes, repeat these questions on whatever reason the mind comes up with).

There’s more to Katie’s Work than these 4 questions, but these initial questions have been liberating for me again and again.

Sometimes, just seeing an old, habitual thought, such as “I’m a loser,” is all it takes to snap out of the trance. But many of our most deeply conditioned thoughts and core beliefs can be quite sticky—they tend to recur, and they seem and feel believable, even when we know intellectually that “it’s just a story.” These kinds of thoughts easily hypnotize us and put us into a trance. Seeing this, again and again (now and now) gradually wears down the believability and entrancement. Awareness is the great transformer, not will-power. We can’t make ourselves not think or not believe these thoughts, but the more we question them and see them for what they are, the less grip they have.

Take time throughout the day to simply be. Not thinking, not trying to do or not do anything. Just being. Thoughts can still pop up—they probably will—but just let them pass through. Be awake to sensations (visual, auditory, somatic) and to the openness of presence. Simply be this aware presence and present experiencing, just as it is. This simple being can happen on the bus, on an airplane, in a waiting room. Experiment with not looking at your phone, picking up a magazine, or reading a book. Instead, just BE.

Finally, don’t look upon the spiritual path as a grueling task. Enjoy it. Be devoted to it. It’s an act of love. And very importantly, it’s not about thinking or trying to figure everything out. No concepts can capture this living actuality. And there is no finish-line in this awakening journey. Every moment is new. Beginner’s mind, humility, curiosity, and an open heart and mind are vital. 

As an example of how meditation is both a path and at the same time pathless, Jon Kabat-Zinn points out that you cannot attain your foot, for it is already part of you, but at the same time, the foot of a great dancer ‘knows’ something that an ordinary foot does not, although in their fundamental nature they are the same. In other words, meditation develops sensitivity and a capacity for living in a different way, but paradoxically, it does that not by seeking more sensitivity, but by allowing everything to be as it is. Kabat-Zinn writes that, “Meditation is a way of being, not a technique… Meditation is not about trying to get anywhere else. It is about allowing yourself to be exactly where you are and as you are, and for the world to be exactly as it is in this moment as well…More than anything else, I have come to see meditation as an act of love…a gesture of the heart that recognizes our perfection even in our obvious imperfection…Awareness itself is the teacher, the student, and the lesson…Resting in awareness in any moment involves giving ourselves over to all our senses, in touch with inner and outer landscapes as one seamless whole."  Beautiful!

Anyway, those are some suggestions. There are many other possibilities. Different things resonate and work for different people. Take what works and let the rest go. Each of us has a completely unique path, and no one else can tell you what you need. You have to discover that yourself. Other people can be helpful, but don’t make anyone into an all-knowing authority. And remember, we’re not going to some better future. If we’re thinking about it in that way, we’re dreaming. It’s always about NOW. THIS is all there ever really is. And it’s not about “you” being some defective human mistake in need of salvation—our suffering and confusion is the human condition, something we all share, and we’re all waking up together as one whole being. Each of us has a unique and vital contribution, and it might not look like what we think or imagine it ought to look like. In fact, I would suggest it looks exactly like THIS, right here, right now. As Dogen said, “If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?”

Love to you all.